Finally? So, I’ve known you in the real world, somehow?
Well, whoever you are thank you and I probably owe you an apology.
At the moment I’m apologising to everyone who’ll let me and if this is the only way I can do it, so be it… I’m sorry.
I don’t know if I have fixed plans exactly but now I am aiming for certain things, learning to drive, moving out of the concrete hole I still live in and then going back to school and studying for the next few years. Scary stuff.
My father, who’s never been one for words of wisdom or much else, asked me if a lack of roots of my own may be contributing to my mental health problems and general discontent… And it pains me to say it but I think he’s right.
So, I’ll be working towards putting some roots down too.
14 Apr 2014 / 3 notes
That’s very kind of you, thank you so much.
14 Apr 2014 / 1 note
Counterfactual thinking can be pretty dangerous.
Despite the fact that it’s not rational to talk about changing the past, it would be effective if one considered affecting the past instead. This would be by changing the perception of our past actions if we feel that the past would have been different had another action been taken. So, in that respect… Yes.
In a heartbeat.
13 Apr 2014 / 2 notes
Hi, firstly I want to thank everyone for their messages and kind words.
Am I ok? No, not really but that’s all right because I will be.
Mentally I feel stronger by the day, more so than I have in a long while. I am working on my depression thanks to regular therapy, exercise, eating well, a few self-help books, writing in a journal and meditation. I’m finally letting go of my demons. I’m letting go of the sadness, the anger and control issues, the anxieties that have plagued me for so many years but those changes may have come too late and I’ve paid the greatest cost by alienating people time and time again. By alienating someone I love deeply, one of the most honest and brave human beings I’ve ever known. I was fearful of telling them how ill I really was. By being stubborn and critical, projecting my insecurities and refusing to seek help and change.
Sorry, I didn’t mean for this to turn into some sort of confessional but now is the time for honesty. I urge anyone who suffers from depression or anxieties to seek professional help. Talk and be frank, take advice, get off of social media sites, don’t push people away and isolate yourself from those that love you because you may lose them. Please, don’t make the same mistakes that I have.
If you accept your vulnerabilities, discuss and work on your issues and accept change, you will get better.
2 Apr 2014 / 20 notes
It will remain up for a while longer before being deleted but no more posts or reblogs apart from messages will be made.
The last few weeks have made me question so much about who I think I am, the things I do, the effect these things have had on the people I love and lost and what I want from the future.
So, I have decided to concentrate on life, a life free to work on all the fear, ego, negativity and anxieties. All the things that have distracted or prevented me from changing into a healthier, more content human being.
Thank you for the many years of kindness, entertainment and support.
It May Be That Beauty Has Reinforced Our Resolve - Masao Adachi (Philippe Grandrieux, 2011)
Michael Gira, The Consumer (1996)
Morrissey (via loveviolence)